It’s official, Arnold Schwarzenegger has lost his mind. California is so fucked.
Archive for the ‘naked celebrities’ Category
Dude is Savage
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009Happy 69th Birthday, Alex Trebek!
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009What a dumb bitch. If you don’t know how to properly use words like lapidary or effete, then Alex Trebek will undoubtedly make you feel like a small retarded child at some point in your life. This one should have kept her mouth shut in the presence of a god.
Come to think of it, he’s pretty much the Canadian version of the Dos Equis guy. Happy Birthday!
Ninjasonik + Japanther At The Whitney, Get Active
Friday, July 10th, 2009
The level of excitement here at Chief can only be encompassed by these images.
And this one too.
So come out and get active at the Whitney this Saturday and air out your titties while you’re at it.
megan fox nude and topless and sexy and naked and so pale its almost weird
Monday, July 6th, 2009
Who’s Sarah Palin? What’s Russia? McNa-who? The real news of this weekend: Megan Fox has boobies.
P.S. Note the nipple-yamulkas she’s wearing. This can’t be staged, can it?? I feel so used.
Talk About A Wardrobe Malfunction.
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
Italian Olympic swimmer Flavia Zoccari was forced to sit out a championship race at the Mediterranean Games this week after her top of the line $600 swimsuit split right down her crack. She burst into tears of embarrasment and then had to watch the race from the bench. Why wouldn’t they let her swim with her ass out? What’s the big deal? Were they scared that the easy access would encourage her to poop in the water? Grow up swimming officials, they’re just butt cheeks.
Cindy Crawford Appreciation Day
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
FUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK! She makes me feel funny in my pants.
Sie Pistons sind verboten!
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
Down mit censorshippen!
Long live leche and lechery!
Let my peephole go!
A recent act of censorship on the Chief website has inspired this small act of protest. If this is how it must be, so be it, but something had to be said! Censorship on ChiefMag.com is as shocking as a lack of it on Vatican.va. We’ve been told to say our goodbyes; das ist mein Auf Wiedersehen. Ach.
Did John Lennon Sell His Soul to the Devil?
Monday, June 29th, 2009
Well, did he, crazy book? I’m on the edge of my seat here. The answer is: no, of course not. But reality is all in how you perceive it and, in fairness, John Lennon only did not enter a pact with the Devil in the real, normal-people world. In the world of people who write and buy books like this, however, there is much proof to say he did. I mean, Satan himself didn’t come to swallow up Lennon’s corpse or anything crazy like that. But there is some really compelling evidence. For instance, the credits on the sleeve of Imagine go in a circle? And other stuff?
In Threes…
Thursday, June 25th, 2009
It’s often said that our celebrities die in threes.
This week, we’ve lost three of our most famous entertainers: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. First one of the last personalities from the olden golden years of entertainment, then a classic sex symbol, and finally the self-proclaimed and confirmed King of Pop. If it stops there, the trithanataphobic superstition is, in this case, true.
The good thing about dead entertainers, if I may group those words, is that they at least leave a wealth of indulgence behind. Whether we have awkward crushes on deceased sex symbols (as many will have with Fawcett as with Monroe) or deny a celebrity’s death (as will probably happen with Michael Jackson as with Elvis), the works left behind by these people perpetuate the good times they gave us. It’s never too soon to have fun at the “expense” of someone who made a living out of being, if not always having, fun.
Perfect 10 For The Spread Eagle Element
Friday, June 19th, 2009
A campaign has been launched to get pole dancing (I refuse to use the term they’ve adopted: “pole fitness”) into the 2012 Olympics. The strippers, er supporters, argue that the “sport” has become an increasingly popular way for women to stay in shape. They are comparing it to figure skating, gymnastics, and, strangely, rock climbing. While the campaign has collected an astounding 500 signatures from around the globe (I collected 200 when I was petitioning my middle school to eliminate ties from our school uniform), the Olympic Committee’s Executive Board is sure to consider the following factors:
1)Where are the training camps going to be set up? Scores?
2)Since the best “pole fitness athletes” probably moonlight as exotic dancers, it might prove difficult to enforce the requirements of the World Anti Doping code. Unless the code doesn’t include cocaine. Or tequila shots.
3)China will soon have 11 year olds with doctored birth certificates twirling around the poles in 9 inch stilettos and sparkly thongs.
4)All donations for the campaign are arriving in $1 increments.
5)No one wants to see Lindsay Lohan, Carmen Electra, or that chick from Saved By the Bell become Olympic coaches.
6)If pole dancing gets in, it’s only a matter of time before lap dancers start their own campaign, and there is definitely no champagne room in the Olympic Stadium.
Apologies to Snoop, Charlie Sheen, and Bret Michaels who are no doubt hoping to secure positions as judges for this sporting event. Doesn’t look good gentlemen.
Cuba Sucking Jr.
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4v0inJiEA4&feature=fvsr
What dark secrets are to blame for the ill-fated career of Cuba Gooding Jr.? He was a break-dancer behind Lionel Ritchie at the 1984 Olympics; he’s from the Bronx and everyone loved him in Boyz in Da Hood—he shouldn’t have sucked so badly. Was it just the Oscar curse? If you win the Best Supporting Actor award, are you bound via uncontrollable forces of the universe to make Snow Dogs? Something probably comes over you, and you go on an “I’ll make any movie that I am offered” binge to support your ego; and if you’ve just won the Oscar you’re going to get a lot of offers. Why stop and consider the films you’re in? The point is that you’re in them, you’re on top of the world—you can do no wrong, you’ve just won an Oscar. Like one blinded in a murderous rampage, Cuba Gooding Jr. made as many films as possible in as little time as possible, and without considering his actions he killed them all. But, at least he got paid.
Gooding’s ability as an actor suffered with his poor choice of roles, most exemplified by “Boat Trip” where he plays a guy on a gay cruise feigning homosexuality to become closer with the woman he’s pursuing. Though chicks dig fags, his performance was sub-par. Considering his work up to this point, he might have thought it the obvious step to play a mentally-challenged character. He did this in the 2003 film, “Radio”, but perhaps because of the Disney credo he had accumulated up to this point, he acted more childlike than retarded. Both Disney and critics reacted. Disney let him do a voice-over in Home on the Range and critics ignored and hated him. His agents didn’t like him either—he switched agencies six times and went a year representing himself. The downward spiral continued, and he tried an ever viable route for the fallen Hollywood star; he went into Indies. It’s not even worth talking about, but that didn’t work out either. So, he accepted failure in a truly honorable way—he called bullshit on himself and made “Daddy Day Care”. I’m looking forward to a movie he’s working on right now, tentatively called: The Untitled Gehenna Project, with Henry Rollins; they play soldiers who make the descent to hell. Apologies to the Academy.
Green Porno
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
Isabella Rossellini, known for her often sexy contributions to cinema, is now the star of Green Porno. Now in its second season, this series of shorts offers a novel glimpse into the world of animal reproduction. The presentation is humorous, reducing the PG to PG-13 sexual interactions to paper and cloth props around an absurdly-costumed Rossellini. The series airs on the Sundance Channel, and videos are available at the Sundance Channel’s website.
Happy Girthday!
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
Today, we celebrate the birthday of Manuel Uribe, who set a world record by reaching a body weight of 1,316 pounds. Bed-ridden around 2001, the Mexican heavyweight eventually came to understand the gravitas of his situation. He has since lost over 500 pounds and, at the age of 44, been married for nearly 8 months. He’s still working on his figure. Hopefully, he won’t let himself go like most husbands.
France’s President Wants To Ruin Your Life
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
The French National Assembly has just voted down a bill that proposed a one year ban from the internet for users that have been caught downloading music illegally up to three times. The “three-strikes-and-your-out” bill was expected to pass after President Sarkozy’s regime expressed such adamant support for it, but ultimately the bill could not make it through the last stage of France’s lawmaking process, thanks to France’s Socialist Party. But Sarkozy, who also has plans to tax the internet, vows that a newly amended bill with the same gist will be submitted to Parliament in the next few weeks. It would seem that this bill has an even better chance of coming into fruition.
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t this shit suck really bad? It’s kind of like that movie “Hackers”, the one where a pre-pubescent kid named Dade “Zero-Cool” Murphy is banned from the internet for life, and who then grows up, bangs Angelina Jolie, and “hacks the motherfucking gibson yo”. Those last parts are awesome, I know, but part of me can’t help seeing that little kid in court being excommunicated from the great world wide web like some exiled leper. The truth is, music pirates don’t deserve this kind of treatment. But if the bill is passed in France, it’s only a matter of time before the U.S. adopts a similar policy. Then we’d all be fucked, grow up, and lose our collective virginity to Angelina Jolie.
P(ar)ole Dance or “You Kids Shut Up ‘Til Momma Done Dancin’” TOPLESS BRITTANY
Monday, June 8th, 2009
Yeah! I remember when she shaved her head I hadn’t watched anything that intently on TV since O.J. was flying down the freeway. I was all, “Go, do it!” and high-fiving my mom. And that was taped! It wasn’t even live like O.J.
I’m not super malicious or anything, but watching a good breakdown is par to none. It’s the nipple slip of life. It’s like nipple slip freebase. It’s nipple slip extract.
But since a good breakdown only happens once every five years or so I’ll just have to take a boobie or two when I can get it.
P.S. Notice in the background that the mudflap girls on the wall are overweight. Where is this magic land? (more…)
Badass!: Finger-Eatin’ Good
Monday, May 18th, 2009
When our unions go on strike, they draw up some signs, blow up an inflatable Disney character, and call it a day.
In Serbia, they take a hacksaw to their pinky finger and eat it in protest!
Zuran Bulatovic is a union boss at the Raska Holding in Novi Pazar, Serbia. Apparently the state-owned textile factory isn’t too keen on paying their workers. When his deputy – a single mother of three – offered to chop off her finger, Bulatovic, felt he had to step in. “I could not allow her to do that,” he said.
When asked why anyone would eat his own finger in protest, Bulatovic explained: “We, the workers have nothing to eat, we had to seek some sort of alternative food and I gave them an example.”
He then added, “It hurt like hell.”
Here’s some video of him in prison, yelling about chivalry or the rights of the worker or something. I have no clue seeing as it’s not in English.
Get Active! Ninjasonik @ Automotive Highscool!
Monday, May 18th, 2009
Monsquaz
Thursday, May 14th, 2009“Mommy?”
I don’t know what to make of this. The only elaboration to be found regarding this enigmatic dingle-dancer is the occasional appropriation of his likeness in other stuff. All that is clear is that Monsquaz is a garish attack of epileptic perversity.
Click here for the uncensored original, if you dare…
Auto-Eroticism
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009This isn’t the familiar 2004 movie about racism and such. Based upon a novel by the recently deceased J. G. Ballard, this Crash is a film about car-crash fetishists and their auto-erotic pursuits. In David Cronenberg’s adaptation of the book, the narrative becomes a Bataillesque meditation in sex and death. James Spader, exuding his inimitable brand of sleaziness, stars with Holly Hunter, Elias Koteas, Rosanna Arquette, and Deborah Kara Unger. I’ve read reviews that insist this movie isn’t erotic at all, but a critique of the “posthuman” condition of technologically-enslaved contemporary society. After all, the novel’s author declared his purpose thusly: “I wanted to rub the human face in its own vomit, and force it to look in the mirror.” I have a friend who thinks that’s damned sexy.
The Intelligence – “Fake Surfers”
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
Anti-consumerist screeds make for great punk songs, but when they’re under two minutes long, they’re even better:
“A long long time ago/they crawled out of the water to grow an elbow/and a fist so they can shop til they’re pissed/and a very short time from now when the world’s a dentyne drakkar cloud… don’t you know it’s a flash in the pan/don’t forget your hand stamp.”
Plenty more where that came from. “The Unessential Cosmic Perspective” is just the icing on the cake. The Intelligence drops their new album, Fake Surfers (In the Red Records) on May 28th. Yeah, I know it’s still a way’s away, but I had to justify the pure joy that I’m getting from my advanced copy with a blog post. Lars Finberg from The Intelligence and John Dwyer from Thee Oh Sees (now label mates) apparently have a rivalry going to see whose album can rock harder, noisier, and weirder. Currently, I’d say it’s too close to call.