A jilted lover repeatedly stabbed her cheating beau with a pencil in their Murray Hill apartment, police sources said yesterday.
[The woman], 37, went wild after discovering that her 49-year-old live-in lover was cheating on her and e-mailing naked pictures of her to his pals, sources said.
She confronted him in their East 39th Street apartment at 9 a.m. Monday and stabbed him with the pencil, choked him and ripped his shirt, sources said.
She was arrested on assault charges, a DA spokeswoman said.
The faces of these Canadian officials were redder than a cooked lobster.
Authorities in Halifax established a hot line for out-of-work lobstermen. But two digits were reversed and callers were connected to a sex line instead.
One applicant for an aid package was told, “Hey there, hot stuff. I’ve been waiting for your call.”
This tiny thief might be looking at a big chunk of jail time.
[The thief], 46, went on a spending spree with a woman’s stolen credit cards, officials said yesterday.
The petite perp — all of 4-foot-11 and 100 pounds — bought $619 in goods from P.C. Richard, $180 from Modell’s, $35 from a liquor store and $127 from CVS, police said.
“I made those purchases, and I signed that person’s name,” she allegedly admitted.
[She] was charged with criminal possession of stolen property, forgery and (appropriately) petit larceny.
Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
But I’m scared to look too slutty because it’s so cold I fear for my nipples. I always do something really last minute, and then wind up defending it all night- like here, when I was Drew Barrymore in 1995.
(drew)
(me, also on the right. no judgment)
Here are some costume ideas that I like:
My aunt, uncle and their son are being “the birds and the bees”. Yay, little Milo as a little bee!
I could wear all pink, with a shoe over my head and be bubblegum…
I really want to dress like carnivale, and just be some naked bird creature with bindi’s over my eyebrows. And I want to paint my body blue. And glitter…loads and loads of glitter.
Manhattan - A pervert exposed himself to a woman studying in the Manhattan Community College library in lower Manhattan, police sources said yesterday.
The 24-year-old Brooklyn man, who is known to the school’s personnel, sat down next to the 23-year-old woman in the library on Chambers Street near the West Side Highway.
He allegedly exposed himself and then fled.
(from The New York Post Daily Police Blotter, 04/06/09. Illustration by Michaelanthony Mitchell, who apologizes for depicting the victim as a particularly unattractive nerd. The artist’s preference for the grotesque got the best of him. He regrets the victim’s experience and wishes her well.)
Brooklyn - There wasn’t any Good Humor for this Brooklyn man.
An ice cream truck struck a pedestrian in Greenpoint last night, cops said.
The victim, whose identity wasn’t released, stepped in front of the frozen-treats truck at Freeman Street near McGuinness Boulevard at around 9:32 p.m. The truck stayed at the scene and no tickets were issued.
The man was rushed to Bellevue in serious but stable condition.
Buffalo, NY- A resident on Keller Avenue reported two [men] canvassing the neighborhood. One of the men relieved himself in the complainant’s yard. Police ordered the subject to clean up his solid deposit and [he] was sent on his way.
Brooklyn - A thief was busted for swiping a cheeseburger and assaulting a cashier in an East Flatbush fast-food restaurant, authorities said yesterday. [The thief], 19, allegedly ordered a burger at the KFC on Avenue D and Albany Avenue at 4:15 p.m. Monday. When the cashier placed the burger on a counter, [the thief] allegedly grabbed it and ran. The cashier caught up to [him] and wrested away the food as [the thief] punched him in the face, sources said.
Breaking news from me not doing my job….corruption at another person’s job where 44 state officials, and rabbis in New Jersey are being arrested for money laundering, corruption, and….organ brokering? Video HERE
A man burst into flames after dousing himself in gasoline and charging at an Australian police officer yesterday. The officer responded by hitting him with a taser, causing a spark to ignite the suspect in a fiery blaze.
To the best of our knowledge, this man was not Denzel Washington. He was, however, reported to have been sniffing a whole lot of glue that afternoon. Apparently this behavior is considered “unusual” to people in the middle of the Australian desert (not where I’m from), and neighbors were prompted to call the police on him. And how else would a person high on glue in the middle of the desert react to the police? It seems pretty intuitive to us that he would grab a lighter and a canister of gasoline and charge maniacally at the squad car. I mean really. Classic case of uncalled-for police brutality.
My roommates are used to being woken up by me screaming at the television all like: “That is not the same person! You cannot get six pack abs from taking a pill!” or “Those are fake scars in that mederma commercial!” “Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!” Testimonials are almost always written by advertising departments and then delivered by poor out of work actors who feel a little dirty when they allow the really bad animator to create a “before” picture where they weighed 200 pounds. But, this really takes the cake: Ben and Catherine Mullany were murdered on their honeymoon in Antigua last July. Murdered. But, MyDishBiz, a satellite company in Ohio used a pre-wedding photo of the couple to plug their business. “We are very happy with this program. This is the best opportunity we’ve seen online ever. Thanks again”, the couple is quoted as saying. Well, unless they were so stoked on this satellite business that they sent a letter down from heaven, it looks like someone cut and paste their photo from an internet tribute to the slain couple. So wrong. The company claims that they are “trying to track down who sent the testimonial and picture for inclusion on our website.” I would start in the office where the company has interns posting testimonials for $7 an hour. That’s where I would start.
Raekwon spent the day at Chief! Look at all the awesome shit we played with. The interview will be released soon- some intern slave should be transcribing as we speak…
$23 Quadrillion =
Tampons for entire school for life
Gatorade to cure every hangover in 20’s
Hair dye/lipstick/nail-polish in every color
Enough toilet paper to tp Empire State Building
Vaseline to mummify Jackson clan
Snickers for world hunger
Heaps eyeliner; keep up appearance
Do you ever get that senseless panic that overrides your system for no real reason or cause? If you answered “yes”, you are someone who suffers from “general free-floating anxiety disorder”, sounds complicated, huh? Basically, it means you are anxious all the time and your brain just bounces from shitty thing to shitty thing to freak out about. I have it. I know at least half of our editorial staff has it. Who doesn’t have it? (I guess those mindless idiots who think meditation, burning sage and getting “fun” massages with their Mothers is the best way to deal with losing their keys) So, this Monday morning, I woke up with the unbearable thought of how many people out their have naked pictures of me. First off, NO ONE has digital nudes… I wised up before the digital camera movement! But I know there are hard copies floating around out there. And I can pin point a few…
1. I am pretty sure at least two- maybe three- people I’ve had sex with has at least ONE naked picture of me. And I am completely sure that they’re only tit shots (CANDID tit shots, no hammy poses or any shit like that, but still). And I clearly remember one picture was taken very uncooly.
2. I know one of my professors has naked pictures (MULTIPLE, did you read that?) of me. I wish this was as cool as it sounds, like, I danced around in front of them in a classroom to get an A- in the course, but it isn’t. It was in an intro to feminism class my freshman year and I did this project about nudity in public and private space and how the state seeks to police the nude female form or some shit? Blah blah, who cares? In any case, I KNOW that this professor has these pictures because we saw each other semi-recently and she said, “I still have those wonderful pictures you and “insert male classmate here” did together, what a great project.” Ew. I want to die.
3. Finally, there is a very high possibility that a Dr. Joseph took a picture of a beauty mark I have under my right breast. He later biopsied the shit, BUT why would he need a picture, huh? In all fairness, I am holding my boob up and probably covering nip.
So! If you are out there and reading this, PLEASE! SEND ME BACK THOSE NAKED PICTURES OF ME! Or destroy them. I don’t need this shit hanging over my head when I’m sitting in Sotomayor’s shoes on a day like today.
(OH! And that’s Lita Ford posing nude with her axe. And if ANY of my nudes look as half as cool as that, please scan them in and post them to your blog and send a link to me!)
This guy thought it would be a great idea to give himself a circumcision with nail clippers. Now I don’t know how small his brain/dick must have been to devise such a poor decision, but I’m guessing it could not that big. I’m a big fan of testing out your pain threshold, but that is one motherfucker I would not recommend you to try. Don’t do it.
And, If you must insist on an explanation, self-administering a circumcision as a full grown adult not only provides excruciating pain, but it can actually lead to severe dick infection, and even damage your membrane and completely tarnish your sexual performance. FOR EVER.
So who wants to go horse-riding after this?
A couple in Sweden are refusing to tell anyone whether their two year old child is a boy or a girl. The child who is being called Pop in the media (after the music, the soda, or the rice krispie character?) to protect its identity wears dresses and little boy oufits on alternating days and its hair is styled in traditionally male or female styles depending on the clothes. Pop’s parents say that they are doing this in hopes of “freeing their child from the artificial construct of gender.” The only people who know the answer to the dick or no dick question are close family members who have changed the child’s diapers. I’m sure Pop will appreciate all of the freedom that not having a specified gender will bring him or her when she or he is getting beat up in the playground for being all free and stuff. A wise man once said, “They hate us for our freedom”.
I like video games as much as the next guy but it’s hard to deny that they are evil. Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo are creating an entire generation of Peter Pans. Think about it. We grew up with this. When does it stop? Are we going to be the generation of dads who build miniature little cities on their computer screens while our sons and daughters play with miniature little baseball players in an imaginary world? While actual baseball mitts grow dusty in the garage? Yep. And, whatever – that’s fine. Be a pale-faced, wiry, perma-child/virgin dork. I don’t care.
I will make three predictions, though:
1. There WILL be video game rehab clinics within the next few years.
2. My son will NOT act like this.
3. The above video will keep this poor kid from getting laid for a looooooong time.
One more thing and my funny video-ruining rant is finished: hats off to this kid’s mom for finally pulling the needle out. But she has precious little time to turn this boat around. First of all, she needs to be the mom who lets his friends get drunk in their basement. Also, he needs an after-school and summer job for-EVER. And it needs to involve manual labor. And they need to have a serious talk about the remote control thing. Definitely.
