Patrick Elkins

Patrick Elkins has released countless CDs, toured the US a number of times and played in yet another unknown number of bands. He does not know specifically how many of each he has accomplished, not because it does not matter, but because that is not the point.
 

How do you distinguish yourself among all the other solo-acoustic-puppeteers?

Well, I think there's a few things about me that are unique. As far as I know, I'm the only one who has ever been suspended from puppetry by the truth fairy. As far as I know, I'm the only one who has involved pyrotechnics with puppets. And I think I might be the only person I know who has put a puppet on fire while it was still on my finger.

And these were all in front of audiences, not just for your own enjoyment.

Yes.

Was that the "truth" fairy or "tooth" fairy?

"Truth." I actually had a court hearing recently for crimes against puppet-manity. Yeah, it's kind of ugly and a long story but I was basically suspended from practicing puppets until August 19th, a 126 day suspension.

Because...

It goes back to that lighting the puppet on fire thing.

Right. Well that makes sense.

It was ugly, I dont want to talk about it. The one condition I would have put up if I would have known that I was allowed to put up conditions before this interview would have been that you wouldn't ask me any questions about why I was suspended from puppetry.

Well you brought it up.

Yeah, that's why I cant blame you.

You have toured the country, numerous times, why do you live in Ypsilanti, Michigan?

Because the water is the dirtiest, but yet somehow the Kool Aid is still the cleanest.

Why do you perform?

I perform to inspire other people to perform. Never to entertain.

Never to entertain?

Very rarely. Once in a while, but you know, it's very rare.

So do you have any idea of how many you have inspired?

I'd say at least two, maybe three. I have at least one person who recently verified that I am the reason they started a band and I feel pretty good about that. The funny thing is, the show that we played that was in Fresno, California on the hobo-a-go-go tour, after that show, no one bought any of our music but we sold like $30 worth of autographed pictures of shoes. So I think that the guy who told me he wanted to start a band after seeing me perform, I think he might just have had some kind of weird foot fetish.

Is it disappointing when no one buys your music after a show?

No. But when people don't let me lick their toes after a show, that's disappointing.

What do your parents think of your act?

My parents refuse to come to any of my shows or listen to any of my CDs so far.

That's true?

Yeah. No my parents for the last couple of years have said things like, "oh yeah, we'd really like to come to one of your shows," so then I tell them when my shows are but they never come. Actually, the first band I was ever in, Dyslexic Bob, we played on television on the local public access television station and after my parents saw me perform on the local public access television station, they told me that I had to quit the band or else I couldnt live with them any more. So I had to run away.

What pays the bills?

Books.

What's next?

Let's see, Im exploring two different options. One is world domination and the other is dieing alone penniless in the gutter somewhere. So far both of them look equally appetizing. Also, I have a ghost toe. I don't know if you know that or not.

No, I was not aware of that.

Ever since I was really small, a young child, I notice especially when I go to chew my toe nails, but I always feel like there is another toe I should be trimming the toe nail on but it's not there. And I feel it inside of my shoe, inside of my sock. I've always felt it there but its just not there. I asked my mom, you know, because a lot of people are actually born with six digits, some extra digits and they get them chopped off when they are born, people with tails too, they do this thing where they cut off your tail when you are born. But I asked my mother about it because I was positive that I was born with 6 toes and my mom said that it wasnt true, that I was only born with 5.

Is your mom a doctor?

No! My mom is not a doctor! That's a really good point. She's actually a school teacher. What do school teachers know about toes or ghosts?

Downloads

Applesauce Muffins.mp3
Dreams.mp3
Guns, Malt Liquor, Antique Furniture.mp3

Websites

http://www.canopic.net/chewyourown
http://www.weretwins.com

---