The Monthly Pornobioscoop

We go first so you can come quickly

by Mike Ock & Timothy Baptiste

Oldfartsyoungtarts.com

Let’s face it, even baby-sitter fuck-scenes leave me mildly aroused but mostly longing for something else.  I don’t want to imagine my dad banging some teeny.  My granddad?  That’s something else entirely.  There’s something oh so satisfying in watching a crazy, old letch fuck and, yes, act.  It’s the acting that makes it all worthwhile.  To see these grizzled Nam-vets grit their teeth, all wide-eyed and hungry, and say their lines to bring us all closer to that ridiculous bathroom blowjob… well… it’s sort of like if Lynch made pornos out of your worst childhood memories.

---

Grannyhouse.com

“All the things you don't really want to know about granny is what we got *LOL*”

Iron Wool. The Silver Fox. The Silver Fox with the Gray Box. The Deep Wrinkle. The Grand-M.I.L.F.  She’s everything you never knew you wanted, and after you have some, you’re even more confused. Shooting right past Oedipus, this epic adventure is most often taken up by gigolos who shoot heroin between their toes, and confused schoolboys who are mind-raped into thinking this is something worth doing. All and all, it’s a long strange road. A road littered with hard candy wrappers and empty bottles of heart medicine. However, on video, you get all of the experience those arthritic hands can muster, with none of the nagging afterwards.

---

Uglyoldsluts.com

To look into those yellowed, glassy eyes, lost deep in their skulls and to know, without a doubt, that their belt is so notched over it’s nothing more than a pile of tassels in the corner like a tangled, musk-ridden, love nest.

Beyond that, what should be treasured is the fact that these people, who have survived against all odds to make it to this point in time, are fucking for your entertainment. It is your, my, our responsibility to watch these last thrusts into the abyss, for if we rob the value from their actions, we ultimately devalue the gesture, and that would be a sin of the highest order. These are sexual athletes who have trained their entire lives to make it to this single moment, this triumphant instant, this snowflake of time, when the universe grinds to a halt, the director screams “Money Shot!”, the old crow arches his back, grits his false teeth and shoots dust across a 20-year-old runaway’s tits. And that is nothing short of fantastically strange.

---

Mommygotboobs.com

The wife next door, your mother's best friend, your slutty girlfriend's slutty mother--she learned it from someone... Sometimes a mature woman is what you're looking for.  Maturity brings wisdom.  And in the world of porn, "wisdom" means deepthroated blowjobs, welcomed ass-fucking, and a downright filthy vocab.  Top it off with huge tits and you got something.  Sometimes I want that something.  I need that something.  It's more than getting-off, it's providing a service.  You're making these women feel pretty again.

---

Grannyplanet.com

A whole planet of grannys!

---