C-Rex

Take a look at this photo.  Need we say anything else about C-Rex?

Perhaps only that we insult him twice over in this interview.




Chief Magazine: What were you like as a kid? Were you a natural born rapper, as they say?

Skills run in my family. I mean, ruthless was my style as a juvenile, but I blame my grade school parole officer for my failure to blow up in the rap game as a pre-teen, like a Lil’ Romeo or Bow Wow.  House arrest isn't half as cool as it sounds.

What did you listen to when you first became interested in music?
 
At a very young age my older brother turned me on to a lot of extreme music. So I was raised on bands like Mortician, Throbbing Gristle, Cock and Ball Torture, and Regurgitate.  But then one day I was like, how the fuck am I supposed to bounce to this shit?

---

What are you listening to right now?

Unless someone else is DJing, I exclusively listen to two motherfuckers:

Project Pat. He's the greatest rapper alive as far as I'm concerned. Responsible for Three Six Mafia's style. Standout tracks "Whatever Ho" "Good Googly Moogly" and "Sucks On Dick".

Otherwise DJ Deeon. Self-proclaimed '300 lbs of pimp', Responsible for Chicago ghetto dance music. Coined "Ain't nothing like da dick suck." Honor That. Standout tracks. "The Baddest Bitch." "Gimme Head."

Where are you living right now?

My mom’s basement.

How's that?

Taking a look around I've got a lot of t-shirts on the floor that need to be dry cleaned, mostly Phat Farm, mostly 5XL. The only trash can in here has been overflowing for months, spilling dozens of empty Michelob's (cause that's what my dad buys) onto the carpet, many of which have used condoms inside them, cause that's where I hide them from my mom.  It smells totally weird. I see an empty box of Cheez-Its and a Bone Thugs: The Collection: Vol. 2 VHS of them in the studio, which I highly recommend.

---

Have you ever lived anywhere else? How'd you find it?

New York, found it on Mapquest.

How do you go about creating your songs? Do you have a certain process or does it just happen?

Clearly you haven't read my interview in Disposable Underground #35. I am insulted.

What are your live shows like?

Balls out.  It was rumored that at a 2005 North Carolina show malt liquor raindrops actually fell from the sky while I was doing said song.  I wish I could verify, but I was blacked out.

How was your last tour?

I cannot accurately answer this question. The Eternal Spring Break Tour started in 2004 and has yet to cease.  It is embarrassing how little I remember of it. Next question.

Is there a favorite place you like hitting on your tours?

When I'm on tour, I almost always insist on hitting it from the back. On a night when I am playing a show, more often than not I will come-to in a dorm room griming on some freshman, barely maintaining an erection.  I am not proud to say that the majority of these girls are busted in the face.  So instead of making a run for it, I'll meet them halfway; turn them around and hit it from behind. In my book, this position eliminates the issue of physical appearance and blossoms into a celebration of cellulite.

Any crazy stories from the road?

One of the times that I played at Terrace, which is a mansion on Princeton University campus, shit got lit beyond Chief magazine's comprehension.  Within five minutes of my arrival, one of my hype men was sipping Hennessey while swinging from an enormous antique chandelier in the VIP library.  It didn't hold ten seconds before ripping out of the ceiling and stabbing into his stomach.  I was paid $1,000 upfront and made it my biznaz to spend it all in that one night.  I was given a cigarette pack stuffed with 20 joints and told to rap.  I can’t do anything except fuck when I’m stoned, so I did just that. I then ran off by myself, blowing all of the funds on cocaine, most of which wound up being blown off both male and female genitals and, of course, titties.  I know this sounds like I'm totally full of shit, but I swear on my rap career that this is all truth. Nick Barbee, who you interviewed in issue #4, was in attendance and will verify the night’s awesomeness.

Is there a favorite band of yours to playing shows with?

I have yet to meet anyone on my level.

What is this "Unconscious hip-hop" you speak of?

If I need to spell it out for you, "conscious hip hop" is that pretentious, "articulate" politically-oriented "street knowledge" trash that you hear from those dudes next to you at a stoplight who think they are hip-hop but then go to college. I group that bullshit in with "urban" spoken word, "floetry" or whatever other ignorant shit people think is subversive. A tier down from that you've got the rappers who don't have any message, but still want to sound intelligent by means of SAT words that vaguely rhyme. I don't know what you call this kind of shit, but I call it "ill-mathematical" or "totally ignorant." I like to separate myself from both of these mark-ass genres, so I
coined the phrase "unconscious hip hop".  The title strives to emphasize the opposition to "thought-provoking" or "deep" shit inherent in my tracks.

And the double entendre established by the fact that I get black out drunk before all shows and most recording sessions makes the girlies be like, "Wow. This dude is legit"

What's next for C-Rex?

I'm trying to get paid so I can deal with recent hospital bills from getting bit in the face by a dog I was trying to rap at.

What inspires you?

Being a blazing hot rap artist really isn't as easy as you might think.  I mean, do you think I wake up in the morning and start rapping?  No! I beer-fart and curse my reflection.  In the end I am really just another ugly white guy with no reason to live.  So when I've got label execs breathing down my neck for some hot new material there is a special place I go to forget about my life and start getting real.  It's www.onionbooty.com

---

Would you ever fake the funk on the nasty dunk? Explain your reasoning.

Clearly you haven't given an attentive listen to my club-banger "Get Naked". I am insulted.

If I were trapped on a desert island with C-Rex, what could I expect?

In the second verse of my single "Get Drunk," I am not trying to be funny when I say, "I'm horny." Do you feel me?

Downloads

Honey Dipped Blunt.mp3
The Rexerection.mp3
Get Drunk.mp3

Websites

www.farc.net/bands/crex/crex.swf
www.myspace.com/rexoffender

---